Monday, June 24, 2013

Fireworks Pizza - AKA, the worst pepperoni on the planet

I love pizza.

Since the moment I first laid taste buds on the cornmeal crust of a Peter Piper Pizza, I knew that I'd never again love another food as much again. Mazzios, Coal Fire, Ledos, 2 Amy's, Comet Ping Pong, the list of pizzas I have trucked through my body is never ending.

From every childhood memory of happiness to a night hanging with friends, pizza has been there.

And I'm pretty much a pizza purist - cheese, sauce, crust - done.

Why mess with perfection? However I will dabble into the realms of red onion, pineapple and pepperoni.

A few nights ago, I decided to dabble with my favorite pizza friend... the pepperoni.

Guys, I was so excited you can't even imagine. See I have traveled across this greater DC Metro tasting pies from every pizza place I hear of, and while I know Fire Works out in Arlington, VA has been here for a while, it was my first opportunity. I had heard great things.

They had a great wine selection, a great beer selection, and as I could tell by the 20 sorority girls, two-fisting wine glasses, a table over from JR and I, a sizable amount of sangria somewhere in the back.

We ordered garlic knots to start, and as I dipped the garlicky deliciousness into the marinara sauce, my nose tickled with glee, my taste-buds were anticipating the glorious eruption of pure happiness. I carried the doused knot to my mouth and chomped with the ferocity of a velociraptor in Jurassic Park.




The marinara sauce was enough to make me want to hurl myself into a pool of my own vomit. Seriously, because that would have been a welcome relief from the crap they clearly poured out of a bottle. If they don't pour it out of a bottle, their cook should be fired.

I was horribly disappointed. I had been waiting for Fire Works all day. JR had promised we could have pizza that night, and I always enjoy trying new places, and I always enjoy trying new pizza! Not this pizza.

Never again, this pizza.

You see, my pizza wasn't much better than the garlic knots. It wasn't the crust that made me unhappy, or even the overly disgusting sauce, or even the sweet gooey mozzarella sliding like leprechauns on rainbows of happiness that offended me. It was my pepperonis.

I have never met a pepperoni that I didn't like. I love sweet or spicy or bland or exciting or salty. I love them all.

But hammy?

Don't get me wrong. I'm thoroughly aware that pepperoni comes from a pig, but when was the last time you put a pepperoni in your mouth and thought Ham and Cheese Sandwich!

I was literally eating a ham and cheese sandwich and there is NOTHING on this world aside from spiders and ketchup that I despise as much as ham. I hate the smell. I hate the texture. I hate the concept. I hate, hate, hate it.

I love bacon. I love pepperonis. I hate ham. Sue me.

The presentation was lovely, but the product was... disgusting and overall horribly disappointing.

Next time someone asks for a pizza recommendation in Arlington, I'm going to send them to Ledo's.  They have a delivery only location in South Arlington! MADE MY YEAR! I can never move again! Want their number? Here! 703-521-5336 - Ledos S. Arlington, delivery only. Five stars for them! 

0 stars for Fire Works. In fact. Fire Works was so bad they get a black hole. A black hole of unhappiness. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Sevin Snow - How to Kill Those Garden Pests

I have a love/hate affair with just about every kind of spider you can imagine. I love what they do, but I hate their entire little creepy being with all the living breath I have in my body. Because the ONE time I need them to eat little bugs to save my plants... They frolic with me in my bed instead.

I nearly had a heart attack last night from a spider crawling across the sheets as I watched Pretty Little Liars (LOVE IT!). I immediately started screaming my head off and JR came to the rescue!

However, on the upside this set me to thinking, since the spiders aren’t doing their job in our garden. I have done their job for them. JR and I went to the Home Depot a few days ago looking for pest killer. We found the Sevin Dust (also comes in easy to use spray - if you have a water hose, which we dont).

There will be no mother effin’ bugs on my mother effin’ plants.

After talking to just about every person I knew who grows plants they basically said that I had bugs or a fungus, but after seeing the creepy little clear maggot you can see here...

The maggot is in the upper right hand corner on the edge of the buried Jiffy Cup

… I decided it was bugs. The organic insecticidal soap I had been using was not doing the job, so Sevin Dust it is.

I DOUSED my plants in the lethal snow.

And then the rain came and washed it off.

And then I came back with a vengeance taking the death blizzard to a whole new level. I dusted EVERYTHING. The plants, the soil, the boards of the porch. EVERYTHING.

Those bugs have met their last day on this planet.

They will die.

I shall kill them for what they did to my plants...

I shall kill them dead.  

I also had gotten some advice that was essentially, pluck the affected leaves off the plant, which I did to the new basil plant We’d gotten to replace the one that the roofers destroyed, but every time I plucked off a new leaf two more were showing signs of deterioration.

Needless to say, that plant saw it’s last day. I literally plucked a plant to death. Don’t be like me.. don’t be a plant plucker.

So for our summer dead plant list, we’re now up to two.

Thai Basil

Thai Basil, You'll Always be Remembered 2013-2013

I actually think that this plant is the one that originated the bugs, because it had the highest level of contamination, so it’s only fitting that the afflicted should be sent on to a better place. A happier place, where spiders do their effin’ jobs!

Only downside now...

We have to wait 14 days to eat the herbs