Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year... Same Problems

I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions... for most of my life I pointed and laughed at the people who did. Ha, I still do.

However, towards the end of last year I got a report saying I have ridiculously high triglycerides...

Not high cholesterol, my cholesterol is in good shape. I JUST have high tryglycerides, which is ridiculous, since normally high triglycerides and high cholesterol are like the Laverne and Shirley of body pairings.

I also am rocking it on the blood pressure readings, hello 98/65 to 110/72 that's right I'm crushing my blood pressure!

Just in case you're wondering what normal is...


Now what exactly are triglycerides you may be asking...

Fatty acids hanging out in your blood stream (pretty much the general overview).

That's right, I'm so fat, my blood has fat. Hah!

No but really...

Okay I'm not fat, I'm just 20 pounds outside of what educated health professionals insist is normal. I'M FROM THE SOUTH WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! FOOD IS SOOO TASTY!!!

Though if you want my opinion those new studies proving that overweight people live longer lives, is not encouraging me to lose weight anytime soon... 

HOWEVER, the fact my blood vessels are breeding zones for hundreds of little fatty acids hanging out potentially deciding to clog my arteries, does encourage me to potentially make some lifestyle changes.

So here goes... in 2013 (ugh resolutions... naive m-effers) I am giving up alcohol for 6 months (exception.... my birthday) and forgoing all soda pops through the end of the year. My hypothesis is that these two tasty tasty beverages are increasing my triglycerides to insanely ridiculous levels.

I know that if you know me you might be asking some questions... 

"But what about cheese and sweets and bread?"

Shut the eff up, I'm a human not a cyborg... cheese and cookies and processed carbohydrates are staying.

Though... I will only buy veggie and whole wheat pastas, and I'll order thin cut sandwiches when fluffy tasty goodness of the grain gods proves a necessity (which is pretty much all the time).

"What about pizza?"

Seriously? have you HAD a pizza in the last month... how can I give that up!? Cheese, bread, and tomato sauce are basically the three food groups of heaven. But I'll put onions and pineapples on it from now on to get some fruits and veggies in my system... though... I'll probs cheat with a Ledos cheese pizza every now and... now...

"Alcohol ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

No. It's one of the main causes of high triglycerides... and since I can't change my genetics (high triglycerides also run in certain gene pools, which I may or may not swim in), I'm going to cut it out of my life until I can figure out if that's what's causing all the lil' fatties to roll in my blood.

"What is this? Lent?" 

Yes... 365 days of Lent, such is life.

"Are you going to make any other lifestyle changes *cough* exercise *cough*" 

I do what I want!
Mehbe... if I remember that I have a gym in my basement. *shifty eyes*
We'll start slow, because change does not happen overnight.
I am going to start increasing my intake of fish... let's start with trying to cook it once every two weeks or so.
And I am intrigued by including something called a parsnip into my diet. 

So that's my new years resolution... stop the fatties hanging out in my blood stream.

What's your resolution? And if you don't have a resolution, do you at least have a parsnip recipe???